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Into the Future

Living with lung cancer means living with uncertainty—for both of you—but it's important to support your loved one's efforts to live as normal a life as possible, for as long as possible. If cancer has advanced, you and your loved one may face decisions about the course of your loved one's care. You may choose medical treatments or you may decide to focus on comfort care, rather than on efforts to treat the lung cancer.

Remember, an important part of your job as caregiver is to involve your loved one as much as possible in making medical and other decisions and carrying out plans.

Here are some suggestions:
  • Help your loved one to accept the facts. Some people may deal with the news that cancer has progressed by denying it in order to protect family members. You can help your loved one by providing reassurance that you are there for them, that you are willing to listen and to talk about all aspects of their illness.

  • Focus on things that give meaning to life. For some people, especially those with advanced cancer, spirituality may be strengthened or renewed. You both may feel a need to find meaning from the experience of lung cancer. Beliefs that may have been helpful before the diagnosis of lung cancer may be especially helpful in coping with it now.

  • Keep the lines of communication open. You will send an important message to your loved one by showing your willingness to listen to him or her and to discuss important or sensitive topics. Pay special attention to your loved one's feelings, even though you may not agree with them, in order to help him or her maintain control of that part of their life.

  • Help your loved one resolve unfinished business. If cancer has advanced to a terminal stage, your loved one may wish to resolve old issues or may want to do or see something special. Keep your expectations realistic, and recognize that the simple fact that you tried to make an event possible may be a valuable gesture in and of itself.

  • Encourage your loved one to remain hopeful. Every phase of cancer gives you and your loved one a reason for hope. The specifics of what you hope for may change, but the fact remains that hope can nurture the will to live.

  • Be alert for signs of depression and anxiety. Lung cancer and an uncertain future can cause tremendous emotional stress. If your loved one shows signs of anxiety or depression (persistent sadness and/or anxiety), seek professional help as soon as possible.

  • Discuss pain and pain control with the doctor. If cancer pain is not controlled, it can be devastating, both physically and emotionally. It also may add to any feelings of helplessness and vulnerability that your loved one might have. A person with cancer who experiences pain may be reluctant to report it, because he or she wants to be a "good" patient. He or she also may be afraid of becoming addicted to pain medication. Some patients may believe that pain means cancer is advancing, but the truth is that cancer pain can change over time. As a caregiver, you may feel unprepared to deal with your loved one's need for pain relief, but remember that controlling cancer pain is very important.

  • Talk about end-of-life issues. Like many caregivers, you may expect to care for your loved one until the end of his or her life. If you are the person who will be responsible for end-of-life decisions, it can be helpful, for both of you, if you make plans before there is a need for them. If you haven't made plans and you are emotionally unable to make decisions when they are needed, others unfamiliar with your loved one's wishes may have to make them for you. Try to think of dealing with end-of-life issues as an opportunity to help both of you fulfill dreams, strengthen relationships, and get important affairs in order.

Looking Ahead

The process of planning for future medical care is called advance care planning, and simply means specifying plans for future medical care in the event your loved one is unable to make his or her own decisions. Advance care planning should be part of the overall plan for your loved one's medical care.

Its goal is to make sure that a person's wishes about the type of care he or she wants—or doesn't want—to receive will be respected.

As a caregiver for a person with cancer, addressing these issues with your loved one also can be helpful to you. Making such arrangements when you are able to think clearly can prevent you from making emotional and financial mistakes later.

Click here for information about creating a living will and writing a will. You also may find additional helpful information in the following section of this Web site:

Caregiving Options

Sources of Information

There are many organizations that provide information and support for caregivers and families of people with cancer. You may contact them by phone, mail, or on the Internet.
  • Partnership for Caring, Inc.
    1620 I Street NW, Suite 202
    Washington, DC 20006
    1-202-296-8071
    1-800-989-9455
    http://www.partnershipforcaring.org
    A national nonprofit organization that offers a crisis and information hotline dealing with end-of-life issues and provides state-specific living wills and medical powers of attorney (Advance Directives).

  • Choice in Dying, Inc.
    National Office
    1035 30th Street
    Washington, DC 20007
    1-800-989-WILL (989-9455)
    1-202-338-9790

  • CancerPage.com
    http://www.cancerpage.com
    Web site created for cancer patients and their families; search "caregiver" for news and support information about caring for people with cancer.

Additional Resources

Knowing where to find credible and accurate information about caregiving is an important step toward making life better for yourself and your loved one. The following resources may help:

Caring for You, Caring for Me: Education and Support for
Caregivers, Participants Manual
David H. Haigler, Kathryn B. Mims, and Jack A. Nottingham
University of Georgia Press
ISBN: 0820320439, 112 pages
1998

Preventing Caregiver Burnout
James R. Sherman
Pathway Books
ISBN: 0935538194, 80 pages
1995